So the other weekend, I finally saw the other Priestesses since the beginning of December, and it was glorious to see them and wish them a "Happy New Year!" finally. It felt a little strange at first to have missed people that I haven't met in person but at the same time, they have become a part of my support system (more on why in my next post) and a part of my friendship family - while we can't choose our blood-relatives, we can choose who we are friends with and sometimes, these relationships are stronger than any blood-ties (or at least, this is what I believe and I'm sure I have seen a quote somewhere that says something similar).
Anyway, after catching up what we did for our holidays, we got down to business with the topic of Shadow Work. Emily always asks if we have any questions about the topics and I had found myself earlier that day wondering if dealing with grief could be seen as part of Shadow Work and I felt like I needed an answer from someone else to help me to make sense of what I was thinking about it. I knew it wasn't going to be a straight-forward "yes" or "no" answer because I think it all depends on who, the strength of the relationship with the person who has passed, and what happened after their passing. Emily said that it is possible for it to be a part of Shadow Work as it does include healing the parts of ourselves that are wounded from the past.
We were invited to dress the part for meeting an aspect of our Shadow Selves, whatever that meant for each of us individually. I didn't understand when I got dressed that day why I chose what I did but when it came to the actual meeting, I discovered that the dress-like top I had chosen was similar to outfits that I would wear during my childhood. I had little control over what I wore and always had to have the same opinion as my parental figure who pretty much chose the same kinds of clothes for me as they wore themselves. I had no voice during this part of my life; I could never voice my own individual opinion unless I wanted to feel shamed and/or disappointment.
In the week leading up to our ritual meetings, Emily also asks if anyone would like to volunteer for any parts of the ritual like calling in the directions, grounding everyone, or casting our protective circle. This time, I offered to ground everyone. I didn't quite get a chance to write out a full "script" for it but I did incorporate the idea of light and shadow that lives within us into it. I took inspiration from a grounding meditation where we envisioned ourselves as having roots that grew into the earth beneath us, exchanging its light energy with our shadowy energy that needed healing. I also opted to do the grounding without pre-recording it (like I had for the meditation I did for a ritual last year) but I still got emotional during this. It felt freeing and like I was opening myself up for any healing that the earth could provide.
Once the circle had been cast and the directions called in, Emily then led us in a visualisation meditation to meet an aspect of our Shadow Selves. I travelled within myself along a stony path that led up to a cave in the side of a mountain. The cave entrance that I approached was almost hidden by a rock wall. When I started to venture inside the cave, it looked a lot like the corridor from The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - the part where the hidden door is opened, but mine was lit by normal fire and not dragon fire. Once I reached the cave itself, it appeared to be endless although it could just have been that the central fire's light wasn't reaching the outermost corners of it. There was a cauldron hanging above the fire itself and there were locked chests sitting on the floor.
A shadowy figure approached me that had a welcome but not-friendly energy about them, almost like they had been forced to be private for so long that they hadn't managed to find the courage to use their own voice. I asked her what it was that she wanted me to know, whether she had any messages for me and she told me that I shouldn't lock myself away, that I don't need to lock my emotions or feelings away because I am allowed to be more open. She also told me that she wanted to let things go, that she wanted to stop needing chests to keep everything locked up so they couldn't escape or inpose on anyone else. The final message I received from her was that while being vulnerable scares her, she doesn't want to be this way forever.
What I didn't realise at the time was that I had already dressed like this Shadow Aspect by being covered up, which in an indirect way showed how much I had to keep everything inside and not let it be voiced out loud or "on show" for others to witness.
The next part of the meditation involved walking out of the cave while holding the hand of my Shadow Self, retracing the path that I walked on my own to meet my Shadow. I felt strengthened by this, possibly through remembering "there is strength in numbers" but also because I no longer felt alone.
The final part of the meditation involved writing down three things to say to this Shadow Self to deepen the bond between us. Emily did say that we could write our own things but she also gave us prompts that we could use instead. I chose to use the prompts as I wasn't entirely sure how to start talking to my Shadow Self. Below is what I ended up writing to her:
"I understand now that you locked things away to preserve self but you don't need to any more. I understand now why you were so reserved. I see you for the strong, capable woman that you have always been. I see you for the perfect flawed being you truly are. I accept you as a part of my past, present but also my future.
I see you, I accept you and I embrace you."
Once these statements had been written, the next task was to read them out loud while looking into a mirror to our Shadow Selves. The mirror was used to show the Shadow Self in a physical way as part of my self in a way that I can almost tangibly see her. The mirror was also good for being able to look deeply within myself, which in itself mirrors the journey to discover the Shadow Self. This part made me feel a lot lighter afterwards, almost like a huge weight had been lifted off me.
The final part of the meditation was accepting this Shadow Self into and within our physical selves. This particular aspect of my Shadow felt heavy when I first accepted her into myself but then as she settled further within me, I felt lighter and like I could stand with her and hold our joint heads high.
This was a really empowering and free-ing ritual for me because I've never really voiced any issues that I've had out loud to others. I have battled with anxiety and depression for many years and I feel like I may be coming to the end of a long road of coming to terms with these issues by integrating and accepting these Shadow Selves which is healing me and allowing me to find a greater sense of wholeness.
I really enjoyed doing this and I hope my experience will encourage you to do something similar while doing your own Shadow Work to find healing within.
Love and peace to all!!
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