Some people say that Shadow Work is not something to be done lightly. Yes, it can be a difficult process and Shadow Work is never truly finished as there is always a shadow part of ourselves that we can discover, accept and integrate into our higher selves.
Shadow Work is all about knowing ourselves in a deeper, more intimate way and this has a domino effect by allowing us to deepen our connections to other people, animals, plants, stones and the Divine/Universe. It's about knowing that while we would rather the world be about love and light, there is still a shadowy, darker side that also exists. This shadow aspect carries energy and stories, and by understanding and working with them, we can become more open and authentic beings. By recognising these shadow patterns in ourselves, we then become able to recognise them in others.
If we ignore our Shadow aspects, we are at risk of ignoring our own responsibilities, actions and everything that makes us unique and human. So why don't more of us do Shadow Work? Because Shadow Work is rather a meaty topic and one that is both scary and exciting to dive into.
But by working alongside our Shadow selves, that doesn't mean that we destroy it completely. But, we do start to destroy the power that our Shadow holds over us. For example, I know that I have a bit of a temper, particularly when I'm stressed and I can't work out how to solve the situation. But because of people who I grew up with, I don't want to let that temper loose to break my own possessions or hurt others. I know I have a temper but I don't allow it to rule my emotions or my actions so in this way, I have already started on my own Shadow Work without realising it.
While I missed the live meeting, I have access to the replay of it and during it, there was a meditation to meet a Shadow aspect which I have now done. I visualised myself standing at the edge of a tall cliff with warm bright light behind and cold dark shadow ahead, grey half-light shining down on me that was neither warm or cold. Slowly, out of the shadows before me, a couple forms of myself came into view. One looked similar to how I did as a child, while the other was how I used to look a few years ago.
From the child-version of myself, I found myself considering how often I would be rebellious when others would compare me to dead mother. I would always react to these comparisons by proving without doubt that I was not a free "do-over" for my grandmother. If I'm completely honest, I have never liked being compared to anyone else and this is what drove the final wedge between me and grandmother. I don't think this is a relationship that will ever heal, not just because of what has happened through the years but because it is more of a core wound that I may never heal.
I am very different to my mum despite the fact that I look like her twin but I do have my own ways to honour my mum and those aren't by doing what she did in her own life, which went against the expectations that some people had for me.
During the meditation, there were some questions asked about how can I support my shadow self and be in a relationship with them? I think the answer to this is by accepting and working to integrate my personal shadows, acknowledging but not letting them rule my life.
Another question was: in what ways are you lovable? Personally, I don't feel that I am the best person to answer this because I don't feel confident enough to answer this (this may be a shy-er version of me showing) but at the same time, I feel like I should know the answer. Maybe one day, I will have the confidence to answer this.
Yet another question was, "how can I keep their (shadow) energy in balance with my own?" Well, these Shadow aspects are still a part of me but I feel like it's more trying not to let them rule who I am and what I do.
As a child, I hated being compared to others (mum, other family members and/or classmates) so it has taken me a fair number of years to un-learn comparing myself to others. I could never be a rebel as a child because I had to conform to the expectations of others but I think I may have been allowing my rebellious Shadow Self to rule a lot of my actions and behaviours since I moved out of my childhood home.
When it comes to our Shadow selves making an appearance, there can be triggers which mirror these aspects back to us through others, their behaviours or actions.
Another huge part of Shadow selves is the idea of shame - those parts of ourselves that make us want to avoid them. One of these shameful parts of me is my temper because I don't like that I have such a short fuse and I try to keep this from impacting on my relationships with others. This is a huge part of my own shadow work because I still need to find a way of showing that I am passionate about things without letting that passion from running me.
I was always shamed as a child, whether it was for not getting the same grades at school as some of my classmates or for not being more like my mum. This hurt me deeply and my main response to this aspect was to seek approval from others but I feel as if I have integrated this Shadow part of my because I don't ask for approval as much as I did.
Emily mentioned that core wounds are tied up in our shadows, with some parts of shadow coming in to try to protect us from those wounds. I feel like experiencing the loss of my mum as a child could be one of my core wounds. In previous years, I would feel this grief far more at what I call the important dates (the anniversary of her passing, her birthday, and mother's day) but this year on her anniversary, for what feels like the first time, I didn't feel the hurt in the same way. Yes, I honoured the loss of my mum through not turning on the Christmas lights (this was a childhood tradition and I like the idea of doing it so much that I have wanted to do this as an adult but this was the first year I have truly felt able to do so). But, I didn't feel like curling up in a ball of sadness and grief this year; I felt able to function "normally" as if this particular time of year wasn't full of pain.
It's very much an acknowledgement of this shadow aspect which has brought me strength and helped to heal this old wound. Grief is one of those things that never truly goes away but acknowledging my grief and the pain that goes with it has allowed me to heal just a little (or a lot) more this year.
I hope this inspires you to start to get to know your many Shadow selves so that you can learn more about yourselves and others, and start to heal those parts of you too.
Peace and love to all!!!
Comments