This particular part of the course was very interesting because it wasn't just about being a magickal sexual being - it was also about connecting with our physical senses. I say this because parts of it were about how we feel in our own skin, what physical experiences we've had. Our bodies are our most important part of our Craft because it is through our bodies that we connect with the elements and Spirit.
This part of the Priestess Path course was really healing for me because I haven't truly felt connected to my sexuality, let alone be comfortable in my skin. It helped me to realise that certain desires that I have are not things to hide about myself.
Growing up, I was taught to hide my curves. I couldn't wear anything remotely sexy without being made to feel like I was a slut or some variation of that. My wardrobe was controlled by someone else and I always had to agree with them. I will admit to going a bit wild with my wardrobe choices once I moved away from that individual but over the years, I have learned how to be more comfortable in my own body and what I wear. I have never really been a follower of the latest fashion crazes but I will wear what I want, so long as wearing it makes me feel comfortable.
During the informational session, we were asked to think about the answers to certain questions which could help to further understand how we feel sexy or sensual. The first question was where we feel sexy within our bodies, not where we feel sexiest but where the feeling of being sexy seems to start from within. I feel it in my chest and back, within my heart and sacral chakras.
Another question that was asked was, "what does sexy mean to you?" Sexy to me means being comfortable in my own skin while also dressing to wear that same feeling. Because of this, for the ritual, I planned a "sexy" outfit to help promote the idea that I am a sensual being.
During this time, we did talk about how within all the mythological stories, goddesses are wild, free and act with abandon. We are each of us a goddess living a human experience, so why shouldn't we be wild, free and acting with abandon? The only people stopping us from doing so is ourselves, which means that the only person who can give us permission to act like the sensual goddesses we are is ourselves because it is our own fear of being rejected that is holding us back.
We fear rejection, not being accepted, having our desires belittled or dismissed by others. But if we own our desires, then we become the strong goddesses that we are.
Parts of this came up in the guided meditation we did, which focused on what we were feeling and noticing. I started to feel truly free during this and noticed that I didn't have any knots in my stomach. I did feel some blocks but I felt able to let them go because I no longer have any need for them. The main block seemed to be a dark red in colour, stemming from childhood trauma. I felt this in my chest and mind, wanting to curl up so that I could protect myself because I felt dirty. With regards to this trauma, I know that justice was served so I didn't feel like I needed to curl up quite as tightly as I used to.
During the meditation, we were also asked about a positive experience that we'd had when we did feel like a sensual/sexual being. The main memory that came up for me had a shiny, almost metallic medium pink colour, and was from my school days. This memory was of a talent show skit that my class had to do (I can't remember whether it was for a drama class or something else but it was quite a thing). I opted to do a dance in front of my classmates to the song "Survivor" by Destiny's Child. I hadn't originally wanted to do a dance but afterwards, I felt proud that I'd gone outside of my comfort zone because I received compliments from some of my male classmates - this was a first because I was the class "know-it-all" who was also a "plain Jane" (or that's what I felt like anyway). As a result of this memory coming through, I felt like I wanted to sit up straighter, almost as if I had an attitude of "I can and will be noticed" (just not in a pushy, arrogant way).
I've had a couple of people (not the other Priestesses) ask me if I wanted to change my hairstyle, or general clothing style, to look more feminine. I have my current hairstyle because I want to connect with a previous life where I was a Druid priestess with a similar look. I like to wear clothes I am comfortable wearing, mostly against whatever is considered the "most stylish" of the season. What I wear, how I have my hair, whether I have any piercings or tattoos are a part of my personal style. If I want to look "more feminine", I'll wear a dress or a pretty top but it is my choice to wear it and I've really begun to work on my boundaries around others' opinions of me.
I say "goddesses" as the course is called "Priestess Path" but feel free to substitute whichever name you prefer in its place (god, deity etc.). I want my journey to be an inspiration to anyone and everyone.
Peace and love to all!!!!
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