More Shadow Work

As much as there is a module within the Priestess Path course that focuses on Shadow Work and I've already "completed" it, shadow work is an ongoing part of my personal journey because I'd like to reduce the amount of time my sub/un-conscious mind is in control of what I do and say.

I recently took a course called Shadow Mastery with the Centre of Excellence and the section about the 12 Archetypes was very interesting. This was all about Carl Jung's 12 main archetypes that a person can embody at different points in their lives. These are: Creator/Artist, Ruler, Sage, Innocent, Explorer, Rebel, Hero, Wizard, Jester, Everyman, Lover and Caregiver/Mother. I should point out that each of these archetypes has a shadow side as well as a more "positive" side.

This Shadow Mastery course ties in to my current situation because, as I've mentioned in previous posts, I am currently awaiting the results of genetic testing and I have mentioned it to a few close friends that if I do have this gene and others in my family do too, then I will blame a particular member of my family who I no longer talk to just because it will make me feel better about my past.

However, I've come to realise that I don't need to blame them because it's not going to do anything about the past other than drive an even bigger divide between us than is already present. But by blaming them, I'm allowing the shadow side of the Lover archetype to take control through my bitterness. And yes, my bitterness towards this particular family member is something I would like to find healing for so it is a part of my own shadow work. This bitterness is doing nothing but damage any potential relationships I have with other people (romantic, or friendships) because I am not willing to let go of this "slight" that may or may not have anything to do with the specific family member.

It's not that I've forgiven this family member but I've come to realise certain things about their own upbringing from the events that I went through. For example, I was always dressed immaculately and was never allowed to get my clothes dirty - like ever! I remember one particular Christmas where we visited more distant relatives and there were other children present but I wasn't allowed to get involved with their arts and crafts (a water-based colouring book is prominent in my memory) in case my perfect outfit become dirty so I had to sit with the older folks who weren't keeping an eye on the other children. I couldn't do anything apart from be bored because I didn't feel that I was allowed to do anything "fun" but at the same time, I wasn't allowed to be bored because to my guardian, boredom wasn't a thing. But then again, when my guardian was a child and visiting family, they might not have been allowed to get dirty themselves and had to sit with the adults being "seen but not heard" and occupying themselves quietly in the corner.

To help me understand more about integrating this shadow aspect, I had a little look online and found a divination spread for shadow work that felt right for the situation. The spread consisted of four questions which I asked a tarot deck individually while shuffling, and, as seems to be the norm for me, I got a total of six cards. When I first reached for one of my decks, I originally grabbed my favourite tarot deck (Forest of Enchantment tarot by Lunaea Weatherstone) but before I got the cards out of the box, I just felt like it wasn't the right one for my query. So I pondered for a moment and then my gaze settled on the Game of Thrones tarot deck (which I don't use as much as I might like to) which is the deck I used for this reading.

How will this shadow trait resist integrating?

Eight of Cups reversed – I'm needing to leave behind the emotions that I no longer need to carry but are so familiar so I'm still clinging to them. Now is the time for me to leave behind what I've known for the unknown of the future which is still scary to me.

What past wounds are still contributing to this shadow?

Wheel of Fortune – I've not yet truly accepted that there has always been a greater plan at work within my life, and everything has happened as it should have done; even if I don't like what happened, I still have to accept that the Wheel will continue to turn as it is meant to.

Ace of Swords – I'm not allowing true inspiration/destiny to take hold because I'm still waiting to belong, for others to be proud of my achievements, for someone else's approval of me, my actions and achievements. I haven't yet realised I have nothing to prove to anyone and as much as it would be nice to have others' approval, it is not necessary and is only holding me back.

How does my present situation affect the shadow?

Knight & Seven of Swords – My present situation is a personal challenge that is still to be overcome. I want to be able to move forwards but there is still an uncertainty hanging over me, as it has done for years now. I still feel like I have something to prove to someone/anyone but in actuality, I've done all the things I should have done so I don't need to do anything else apart from wait and see. I'm still holding something back from what I can offer to the world.

How do I find acceptance of this shadow trait?

King of Spears – by sitting in meditation/silence with this part of me, sitting with the unknown, being prepared for any eventuality; I need to find a creative/spiritual outlet so that I can allow Divine inspiration to take hold within my life.

This was really interesting as I rarely do readings for myself on my own without some form of group work (Once Upon A Story, New Moon in Taurus), and I wasn't expecting the cards to tie in so well with my situation at all but I'm glad I did choose to do this. It's certainly helped me to see how I can start to move forwards with integrating this aspect of my shadow.

Perhaps the next part of integrating this aspect is for me to do a releasing spell/ritual about my guardian and my current situation but I'm not sure I'm quite ready for that yet.

I had yet another part of my shadow make an appearance after this experience. It centred around a single sentence message that I wouldn't usually take personally from this particular friend but it just twanged and sent me off on a downward spiral. But this time, I didn't venture too far down this spiral compared to when similar things have happened in the past. The sentence that got to me was "you are stupid" and it sent me right back to when my guardian would constantly compare me to my classmates but particularly to a specific memory when I didn't know what a Lily flower looked like. My guardian had asked me to smell the Lilies (oriental were their favourite) and within the bouquet of flowers, I didn't know specifically which were Lilies and which weren't. So when I pointed to the Lily and said, "This one?" the response from my guardian was "Oh, you know which!!" and this was said in a very exasperated way. I wasn't stupid then because I was asking which flower was which in a roundabout way but my guardian had assumed I knew what they meant.

When this or something similar has happened in the past, I withdraw from the world and stop communicating because I feel that's the best option available because if I don't say anything, then it doesn't irritate anyone else and I can't say the wrong things. I've come to realise that this is a self-preservation tool that I have relied on for years but it's no longer serving my highest good and it's time to release it. This is likely to be something that I continue to work on in the future, trying to remember that with any text messages, vocal nuances and sarcasm gets lost in translation so they aren't meant to be taken personally.

I hope this continuation of my own shadow work inspires you to continue with your own shadow work, even when it brings up memories of events and/or people you would rather forget. Working through these "issues" are definitely worth the time and effort put into it because you'll ultimately find healing from it.

Peace and love to all!!!!